My pregnancy with Sam is what is technically called a "chemical pregnancy." Man I hate that term! It sounds as if it wasn't a real pregnancy, just some weird chemical reaction. It actually simply means a pregnancy that was not confirmed by ultrasound. Of course it used to be that no pregnancies were confirmed by ultrasound.
I found out I was pregnant on October 30th, I believe. We had been trying for seven months, and were very excited. This was to be our final baby. The one to complete our family.
A few days later, I started spotting. I knew this could be normal, had experienced it before. But, after a few days of it not stopping, I became concerned. I tried to be positive. I thought that it would be okay, after all, I'd already paid my dues. Of course that is not a logical thought. One tragedy does not preclude another.
On November 10th, I called the OB. They reminded me spotting was normal, and told me that they could do nothing for me, but they scheduled me for an appointment the following afternoon just to make me feel better.
The next day I woke up, and I just knew. Even before I got up. Even before I saw the blood. I knew it was over. I woke my husband, sobbing. We went to the ER, not because I thought they could do anything, but because I felt so sick and was so shaky that I thought something was terribly wrong with me. It turns out that I was fine, just no longer pregnant.
I felt like this baby deserved a name just like all our other children, so we chose Sam because it could stand for either Samantha or Samuel.