Sometimes I wish I could look into the future. I would like to see 20 years from now. Where will I be? What will life be like? What will I be doing with all of my kids grown?
Twenty years ago today, I was on the eve of my 18th birthday. The day before "adulthood." I wonder what would I have said if someone had given me a glimpse of the next 20 years? What if someone had told me that by the time I was 38 I would have lost two babies, my grandfather and father-in-law would both be dead, and my dad would have inoperable cancer? I'm pretty sure that I would have responded, "No, I can not bear all that. I will not survive it." Yet, here I am. A few holes in my heart. a few scars here and there. But here, living, loving, laughing, enjoying all that life has to offer. It's definitely not all sunshine and roses. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of anxiety. I still struggle with both sometimes. But if I had to do it all over knowing the outcome, I would do it.
I am sure that another 20 years will bring more holes, more scars, more sorrow, more worry. But I also believe it will bring more joy, more love, more laughter. I probably don't want to know what the journey will be. I'm sure it would scare me. I might wonder if I could survive it. So, I'll just take it each day as it comes, praying for strength along the way.