Friday, November 18, 2011

What If I Had Known?

Sometimes I wish I could look into the future.  I would like to see 20 years from now. Where will I be?  What will life be like?  What will I be doing with all of my kids grown?
Twenty years ago today, I was on the eve of my 18th birthday.  The day before "adulthood."  I wonder what would I have said if someone had given me a glimpse of the next 20 years?  What if someone had told me that by the time I was 38 I would have lost two babies, my grandfather and father-in-law would both be dead, and my dad would have inoperable cancer?  I'm pretty sure that I would have responded, "No, I can not bear all that.  I will not survive it." Yet, here I am.  A few holes in my heart.  a few scars here and there. But here, living, loving, laughing, enjoying all that life has to offer.  It's definitely not all sunshine and roses.  There have been a lot of tears, a lot of anxiety.  I still struggle with both sometimes.  But if I had to do it all over knowing the outcome, I would do it.
I am sure that another 20 years will bring more holes, more scars, more sorrow, more worry.  But I also believe it will bring more joy, more love, more laughter. I probably don't want to know what the journey will be.  I'm sure it would scare me.  I might wonder if I could survive it.  So, I'll just take it each day as it comes, praying for strength along the way.


No comments:

Post a Comment